I am stressed.
There, I admitted it. I think I’ve been denying that for a couple of weeks now. And since I’ve admitted it, I’m going to blog about it just to throw everything out there and maybe even feel better about things in the process. So, apologies in advance if this post is rant-y, but I need to deal with it before I turn into that whole bitchy, stressed out, no fun at all self that I become when I decide not to handle my stress.
Let’s make a neat little list: What am I stressed about? And how can I deal with each stressor?
Stressor number 1: Paying my fall term tuition.
What’s going on? Fall term tuition is due on my birthday near the end of the month. Joy. Happy birthday to me? Anyway, for the past 4 years I’ve been lucky enough to have my tuition covered by my amazing grandparents who set up an RESP to fund all the grandkids through school to make sure we didn’t end up in their position, unable to afford schooling. I’m so so grateful that they did this, but now I’m not sure I can claim anything from the RESP as I’ve accessed it for 4 years now. So I need to find a solution ASAP.
How do I fix this? 1) Talk to my grandparents and find out if I can still access any money (I’m just so nervous about this because they’ve already done so much and I worry they’ll think I’m asking for more handouts), 2) look into bank loans (eww) or 3) pay as much as I can afford to and beg my parents to help out. Hmm. I do have some choices and it’s something I do need to just DO as soon as I can rather than ruminating on it. The sooner I do, the sooner the stress is gone.
Stressor number 2: The job.
What’s going on? The thing stressing me about my job is the current lack of hours. Right now the lab is transitioning between research projects. Two have just ended (or are almost done) and another two are starting but not for a couple more weeks. Which means, aside from organizational stuff or random other tasks that don’t take up much time, there is little to do. Which meas the hours I claimed for the past two weeks are about equal to what I usual claim in one week. Yikes.
How do I fix this? Okay, deep breath here. I think I’m panicking mostly because I’m used to working 30-40 hours per week in the summer and now that I’m working less, it feels wrong. In reality though, I can sustain myself even on my current hours. I have enough in the bank for my next rent payment (almost two, really), so even if I don’t work for the rest of August, I will still have enough for September rent and several months of groceries. And that’s assuming the worst case scenario. Once the transition time is over, I’ll probably have plenty of hours if the last project was any indication. I’ll probably be in and out of schools/daycares and running gazillions of participants. I’ll probably end up complaining of too many hours at that point. So, all in all, I think I’m fine for hours and earnings. I just need to remember that I’m working part-time this year (about 15-20 hours per week) compared to not at all or piddly amounts (5 hours per week or casual work). I will be fine!
Stressor number 3: I’ve been feeling a little… out of control I guess… with regards to eating and exercise.
What’s going on? It’s not as though I’m eating everything in sight or not exercising. In fact, I am exercising but I’m having these ridiculous thoughts that I NEED to exercise every day or I will suddenly be fat again overnight. I’m shifting back into my old ways of feeling like I need to eat less on the days I work out. Ugh. And with eating… I am in a serious dinner rut. SERIOUS. I’m lacking kitchen inspiration like you wouldn’t believe. I need major recipes and I need to do some make ahead and freeze meals for those lazy nights so I don’t revert to simple but less healthy meals as I have been lately.
How do I fix this? I need to remember that I AM in control of my eating. I have the ability to make good choices and despite slipping up and being lazy a few times, I’m still doing fine. It’s all a matter of perception. Most people probably wouldn’t look at my food choices and think “Ew what disgusting eating habits, so unhealthy, blah, blah, blah”. I think that because of the stress in other areas of my life I’m maybe automatically assuming that my eating sucks too. And it doesn’t. Besides, one or two “bad” (but not even that bad, really) meals per week is not going to bring the weight back. I know this deep down. In terms of exercise, I think I need to tell myself the following: ‘umm, hello Val? You ran 4 freaking miles the other day. How do you seem to think you’re not working out enough? And exercising each day? Not a necessity. You didn’t even do that when you were losing weight! You worked out 4-5 times per week so what the heck is with this compulsion to work out 6-7? Chill! You are active and in shape. You do active things each day and even if you didn’t a day or two every now and then of sitting on your butt doing nothing all day is not going to bring the weight back either’.
Whew. I feel SO SO SO much better after getting that all out. I am doing fine. I need to remember that. I will figure out tuition and I have several options to consider so I’m sure something will work out. I have enough money even if I’m lacking hours at work. And I’m still making healthy choices 80% of the time and being active most of the week. I am in control of my eating and exercise and it shows on the scale. Have I gained in the past couple weeks? Nope, I’ve actually lost a little which is evidence that I’m just being too paranoid about my weight. I will get this under control and there is no way I’m going back to that restrictive past!
So, rant over, I do believe. If you read this whole thing, kudos. If not, that’s cool too. All in all, I generally feel better after blogging it out and that’s what this handy blog is here for right?