So I was getting low on the hair product I use – Sunsilk Waves of Envy gel & creme twist – and I decided to pick some more up at the grocery store. Unfortunately they didn’t have it! I’ve noticed Sunsilk is kind of hit and miss that way, although I can almost always find it at Zellers. Anyway, I noticed Herbal Essences stuff (‘Totally Twisted’ gel) was on sale so I decided to try it out – I know some people that swear by it plus it smells great, so I figured it couldn’t hurt.
That was a mistake. While it has added a little definition to my waves, my hair is much frizzier than usual – and it’s not even humid out! Plus, my hair is crunchy – ick! The Sunsilk stuff fought off the frizz a lot better and I usually care more about that than having perfectly shaped waves, since my hair tends to do its own thing most of the time and I’ve begun to accept it. So I’ll have to switch back to Sunsilk and just keep the Herbal Essences stuff as a backup. At least it was only $2.99 on sale so no real damage done.
Aside from my hair product woes, I wanted to blog about “fat” thoughts I’ve been having recently.
I have lost 35 pounds. I know this. The scale tells me this. I’ve also gone from a size 16 to a size 8 at Old Navy. The labels in my pants say so.
Obviously my body has changed in a lot of ways, and I’m officially at a healthy weight according to BMI charts. I’m not overweight anymore.
But… I still have days where I look in the mirror and don’t see these changes. I think “I can’t possibly look THAT much smaller than I did before” and sometimes I don’t feel smaller. I don’t feel as though I take up less space or have a thinner torso, thinner legs, etc. I still feel like that size 16, 173 pound girl that started this weight loss journey nearly a year ago.
And it’s frustrating because I know it’s simply not the case!
I think my brain is still catching up to the reality of what I look like. I was so used to being heavy for several years that it might take time to get used to being thinner again. I think I suffered the same issue after I gained weight. For several months, I still felt thin even though I wasn’t.
I wish this didn’t happen because it makes it difficult to objectively evaluate how well I’ve done and be proud when I sometimes still see that overweight girl in the mirror, rather than the healthy, thinner girl I’ve become.
I do have moments where I look in the mirror and think “wow!” and I can see that I’ve changed. It happened once when I tried on a pair of dress pants at Old Navy and I actually thought my waist looked small. At Jacob I tried on a sweater and thought I looked slim. At least my thoughts ARE changing, even if it’s slow.
Maybe over time I’ll have more of these “thin” thoughts and they’ll replace the “fat” thoughts.